whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
