my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
