It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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