our cab driver is having phone sex.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
