he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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