We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
