I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's paint friendship bongs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
