She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
