No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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