highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
