I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
