BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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