Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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