I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
