apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize