The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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