so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I still have a little drunk in my system
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
