I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
