when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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