Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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