I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
