I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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