DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
