YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've blown a few things in my day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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