She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
