Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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