just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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