She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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