i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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