i permit you to call me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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