I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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