Your face is a jimmy john
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize