i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
