I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
