I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
