Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How external is "for external use only"?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
