the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
