dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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