What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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