this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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