Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
