The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
