My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
