hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
