her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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