I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
