nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
