yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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