Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
