I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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