how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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