It's Friday. Sex?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
