I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
