She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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