so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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