So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Randomize
