hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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