I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
