Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
