I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
