As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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