everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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