remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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