I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
