just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize