Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
