the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
