im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
